Thank you.

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Anger Management course ought to not only be about controlling individual emotional outbursts, it ought to also be about controlling aggression imposed on others by people in power.

To learn more about Dr. Steve Wolf’s program, Taming Your Anger, a proven successful anger management course that has helped hundreds of people learn to control their anger contact us today!

Professional Sports

True.  Professional athletes do, on occasion, lose control and individual athletes would definitely benefit from learning to Tame their Anger.  They could avoid paying tens of thousands of dollars in fines, avoid weakening their team by being penalized to sit out important games and they would serve as better role models for the millions who admire what they do for a living.

Professional sports involve fierce competition between top athletes pushing themselves to the limits of their capacity in what might be described as controlled combat.  But we’re no longer talking about Romans tossing slaves into the lion’s den. These athletes are paid lots of money to participate and there is no systemic institutional support for abusive violence in professional sports.

Professional Athletes have unions to protect them from their bosses and each league takes responsibility for regulating the behavior of its participants. No one gets hurt in professional sports who don’t want to play the game.  As a case in point, professional football recently instituted a new “crown of the helmet” rule prohibiting the use of helmets as a head butting device for running backs moving the ball up field.

College Sports

Unlike professional athletes, college athletes have no power. They have no unions and it is illegal for them to be paid.  Like indentured servants, student athletes work incredibly hard to maintain their college status while their coaches are well paid and their school often makes millions of dollars off of their labor, in some cases even after they have graduated. While the NCAA has a $10.8 billion TV contract, college athletes train 25 to 35 hours week in addition to attending classes and don’t get paid.  They also have no “job security”.  In many cases they lose their scholarship if they don’t play ball and they don’t get medical insurance to cover them for sustained injuries.

Parents also expect their talented hard working teenage athletes to be protected by their colleges and their coaches.

However, college athletes are often taken advantage of or even abused by coaches assigned to be their caretakers.  Admittedly, the Jerry Sandusky, Joe Paterno-Penn State scandal that rocked the nation in 2011 is an extreme event because it involved sexual abuse.  But it wasn’t only about the sexual violence imposed by Sandusky on his teen aged prey; the bigger outrage was rightfully directed toward the Penn State college administrators who tolerated the ongoing abuse of children to protect their coach and their football program that generated millions each year.

Similarly, yesterday Coach Mike Rice got fired as Rutger’s basketball coach but the Rutgers’ administration saw a video of Rice kicking and hitting and swearing at his college athletes in November.  They suspended him for a few months and rehired him.  Any other teacher would have been arrested for assault.  Once again we see a university’s tolerance of a coach’s abuse of college athletes “for the sake of the team”.

It requires great risk and courage to speak up against powerful college coach-predators.   College athletes usually shut up and take it like other college kids who foolishly tolerate hazing to get into a fraternity. To speak up about emotional abuse by a college coach requires a student and their family to risk a lucrative future in professional sports and a college degree, because its more than likely that nothing will be done about their complaint and the likely outcome is that the student gains a negative reputation as a trouble making whistle blower.

While there has not yet been a national expose of abusive college coaches’ treatment of their teen aged athletes and the wink and nod of acceptance by college administrations, I have personally been privy to numerous incidents wherein students have been victims of coaches’ abuse condoned and enabled by the hierarchy of a college campus.

Regretfully, I fear that Mike Rice is just a poster boy.  Sports radio is already talking about where he will coach in the future.

College and Professional Coaches should be required to learn Anger Management to identify and Tame Their Anger, their staff and athletes anger both on and off the field.  They are in positions of power and when they abuse that power by imposing their authority on those they are franchised to protect it should not be tolerated.  College Deans should be demanded to protect their students at the risk of losing their coaches and of jeopardizing the performance of their teams.

Dr. Steve Wolf’s program, Taming Your Anger, is a proven successful anger management course that has helped hundreds of people gain control of their emotions. Visit us online to learn more!

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Stories of military hazing are common place, with the first scandals involving hazing in the military beginning over a century ago. (http://hazing.hanknuwer.com/americanlegion.html)   In the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars, “military sexual trauma” has been so pervasive it got its own acronym: MST.  (http://observer.com/2013/01/with-women-entering-combat-the-military-needs-to-solve-its-rape-problem/)

Rape of women in the military has recently risen because célèbre as an outcome of the acclaimed documentary film “The Hidden War”. “The Pentagon’s own estimate is that close to 20-thousand servicewomen were sexually assaulted in 2010, while only a small fraction resulted in courts martial, and fewer in convictions.  Instead of the rapists being punished, the women were the ones who ended up paying a price, sometimes losing their careers.”

http://www.crosstimbersgazette.com/index.php/opinion/3188-rape-in-the-military

However, it is lesser known that 56% of estimated victims of sexual assault are men. ( “the Last Word” TV show, March 13, 2013)

Last week Senator Claire Mccaskill got it right when she introduced new legislation to address rape in the military.  She said “The crime of rape has nothing to do with sexual gratification.  its a crime of assault, power, domination and I believe that the only way that victims of sexual assault will feel empowered in the military is to get these guys and put them in prison. ( “the Last Word” TV show, March 13, 2013)

I agree, the violent culture of our military does need to change.   However, I disagree with Senator Mccaskill’s statement that, ““this is not a crime to train our way out of.”

Of course hazers and rapists should be punished.  But I contend that all military personnel would also benefit from basic training in Taming Your Anger.   What percentage of our soldiers, mostly young men and women in their late teens and early twenties, would not suicide or require treatment for PTSD if they do not have to deal with fears of being attacked, hazed, raped or shot by their fellow warriors?

Prevention is better than cure.  Lets provide early psychological/emotional training for military personnel with the intent of preparing them for their military service with the intent of reducing their trauma when they return.

A team of Vet to Vet Peer Counselors will be trained in the Taming Your Anger/Emotional Intelligence Program in early April with the intent of teaching it to other Vets throughout their national organization.  For further information and to make donations go to www.TamingYourAnger.com

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What does Anger have to do with addiction?

For some, anger itself can function as an addiction and as such is unconsciously used to cover up Primary Emotions.  Some of these individuals enjoy the experience of anger so much they can subconsciously manipulate themselves and others just to experience anger.  When this is occurring the anger reaction itself can be operating as any other addiction:  A behavior that may feel good in the moment but, if left to its own devices will eventually result in a breakdown of some kind or another.

What does Anger have to do with Sobriety?

Others frequently find that upon getting sober they experience more anger than they ever experienced when under the influence.  This may be because their addiction may have served as a mask, covering up angry feelings directed toward themselves or toward others.  In these circumstances, Sobriety is often accompanied with powerful authentic experiences of Primary Emotions like anger, sadness and anxiety.  When understood in this way, working with anger can deepen self awareness and aid in the recovery process.

What does Anger have to do with Relapse?

Some who achieve sobriety may be so unprepared and so uncomfortable with their newly experienced strong emotions in general and anger in particular that, without adequate understanding and emotional support, they may just “give up” by returning to their substance of choice simply to return to that more comfortable, less emotional, more comfortable emotionally cut off state which allows them to avoid having to deal with any of their real feelings at all.

It therefore makes great sense to attend to anger as an integral aspect of attaining and maintaining sobriety and recognizing the possible role it can play in the relapse process.

The post Anger, Addiction, Sobriety and Relapse-How Are They All Connected? appeared first on .

She’s been acknowledged as being responsible for elevating math and reading scores by double digits in the Washington DC school system.  And she is shouting out the need for educational reform from the national rooftops with comments like,

“Education reform is a national test and the answers aren’t easy.”

“Given where we are today, given how poorly things are going in large part, we can’t afford to wait until all the studies are done on a single issue” “So we’ve got to try something.”

Yes, it takes hard work.  Yes, children do better in schools with great teachers who prepare them academically and cognitively for a more successful life.   Rhee advises us that, “Using common-sense education policies, states must create opportunities for innovation, improvement, and reform.”

My problem with Ms. Rhee’s “Putting Students First” Program is that she isn’t Radical enough and doesn’t go far enough. She stops short because her criteria for success are primarily academic, focusing on students’ abilities in reading and in math. “Radical” would be creating a curriculum to teach and develop kids’ and teens’ Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and other non-cognitive abilities. EQ, unlike IQ which remains fairly stable throughout life, can be developed. Emotional Intelligence includes Self-Awareness and the ability to communicate so you feel understood, Other Awareness and the capacity for Sympathy and Empathy, Understanding Emotions and Emotional Self-Control.

Our cultural crisis of violence goes hand in hand with our crisis in education.  Regardless of how hard one works or how high the grade, a single impulsive emotional outburst can result in a life gone awry.  Let’s start teaching our kids about emotions in school what they aren’t getting to learn at home.  Lets teach them about anger and how to express it in ways that cause no harm to self, others or property.  Lets teach them how to talk about what affects them so deeply, if only to get it off their chest, to relieve the emotional pressures they feel so they can focus on their schoolwork without being distracted by a tsunami of emotion which has nowhere to go.

You can go to www.Remedy4Rage.com to view what a group of at risk teens on probation learned attending a six month Taming Your Anger with Emotional Intelligence program for two hours a week.  You can also go to www.TamingYourAnger.com to learn more about the program.

The post From Dr. Steve Wolf: A Commentary on Michelle Rhee’s Recently Released Book entitled, “Radical” appeared first on .

Steve Wolf, Ph.D.

Sunday, March 17, 2013 from 1:00pm to 4:00pm
3.0 CE Hours

Dr. Steve Wolf, founder of the Wolf Training Institute and creator of the Taming Your Anger with Emotional Intelligence program, will be teaching a seminar on Applying Taming Your Anger/Emotional Intelligence Principals to Group Therapy for the Group Psychotherapy Association of Los Angeles (GPALA).

Learning Objectives:

1) Attendees will be able to observe the four tools of the Taming Your Anger Method,
2) Attendees will be able to describe the four stages of the Taming Your Anger Method and relate them to principles of Cognitive Behavioral Psychology,
3) Attendees will be able to summarize major understandings of the field of Emotional Intelligence.

For additional information regarding CE credits and our refund policy please click here.

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Unlike IQ, which has been clearly defined as scores on specific tests, EQ or Emotional Intelligence has not been so clearly defined.  To begin with, Emotional Intelligence itself has been categorized as either EI or EQ.  EI refers to a potential or a general awareness or attunement to emotions which can, like IQ, be determined by scores with a paper and pencil-an Emotional Intelligence Test of some kind.  “I prefer EQ which can be more clearly defined as particular abilities related to emotion itself.” says Dr. Steve Wolf, founder of The Wolf Institute.

Also unlike IQ, which remains fairly stable throughout life, EQ can be developed. One can become “emotionally smarter”.  We, at the Wolf Training Institute provide a program to develop Emotional Intelligence.

As a Clinical Psychologist who assists clients to develop their EQ, I have identified four components of Emotional Intelligence:  Self Awareness and the ability to communicate so you feel understood, Other Awareness and the capacity for sympathy and empathy, understanding Emotions, and Self Control.

I’m going to talk about the first for these four dimensions, Self Awareness and the ability to communicate so you feel understood.

The term “Self Awareness” might refer to body awareness, sensory awareness and/or spiritual awareness.  Self Awareness with regard to Emotional Intelligence refers to awareness of Emotional experience.

To understand what emotion is it helps to understand that we have three brains.  As discussed In “Building Blocks for Emotional Intelligence”.  Your Reptilian brain is breathing you right now, beating your heart and maintaining your body temperature.  Your Thinking Brain, the Neo-cortex, enables you to make sense of these letters on a page, and your Emotional Brain, also known as the Limbic System, also operating in this moment, is most likely calm.  Your Emotional Brain produces Emotion like your Reptilian brain produces heartbeats. You can’t help it.  To be able to communicate your emotional experience to feel understood you must first be aware of having an emotion, then you must be able to identify that emotion and then you must be able to describe that emotion in order to feel understood.

Easier said than done

Many people, especially men, are often unaware they are even having an emotion or a feeling, except when that emotion is extreme.  Many of us men learned at a very early age to suppress or ignore our feelings, possibly because they hurt too badly and/or because no one else in the family (which I affectionately refer to as “the circus” or “the loony bin”) talked about feelings, cared about feelings or even acknowledged they existed.  So, we learned to dismiss feelings from our awareness, to become unaware.

Just because you may be unaware of your heartbeats doesn’t mean you aren’t having any.  Similarly, just because you may be unaware of having emotions doesn’t mean that you aren’t having any. Remember, emotions are produced by the limbic brain like heartbeats are produced by the reptilian brain. You can’t help it.

As a case in point, has anyone ever said that you looked angry, scared, happy or sad and you weren’t really aware of having that feeling? Or, have you ever perceived someone else as having one of those emotions but they denied it?   While it’s possible they were projecting onto you or you onto them, what if the perception was in fact accurate and you were having an emotional response of which you were unaware?  What does that suggest? How might that affect how you relate with those you care for the most? Would you want to do something about it? Would you want to develop that awareness, to develop your Emotional Intelligence? Or not?

Furthermore, others may know they are having an emotion but aren’t able to identify what the emotion is.  They can’t find the words to describe it.  Others may know what they are feeling but, for some reason or another, are unable to express it, so they feel unknown or misunderstood.  This is particularly meaningful in our most intimate relationships.

We have now clarified how we, of the Wolf Training Institute, define the first Dimension of Emotional Intelligence:

Self-Awareness and the ability to communicate-so you feel understood. For further information go to: (Emotional Intelligence Page)

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Rabbi Levi Cunin.  http://malibu.patch.com/articles/lessons-from-sandy-hook-the-unknown-in-our-midst

We typically think of Psychology only when we need to deal with a problem:  We seek a counselor for therapy, a psychiatrist for meds, a rehab program for addiction or an anger management specialist after losing one’s temper.  Psychology is where we go to fix our psychological problems.

Psychology doesn’t have to only be about treating pathology.  For instance, we all know that adolescence can be a tumultuous stage of development, when hormones are in overdrive, and issues with friends, family, school, love, sex, drugs and rock and roll are all accompanied by lots of emotion. Crazy as it may feel at the time, its all normal: Adolescence happens for all of us who make it through to the next stage, adulthood 101.   By developing their Emotional Intelligence our teens will be better able to navigate the tumultuous waters of adolescence and, more able to understand and express their emotions in ways that cause no harm to self, others or property.

We teach sex education to teens because we want them to become better prepared for their adolescence. If we want our teens to do well with their emotions, than why not prepare them in school on how to deal with their emotions properly.  They can practice at home and even teach their parents and siblings.

While I’m at it, I believe our kids should  participate in  “Emotions class” in elementary school, middle school, high school and beyond, as their emotional needs naturally evolved?

What if teens who experience a sunami of adolescent emotion from time to time could receive additional emotional support at school where they talked in classes or groups about their emotional experiences included as part of their scheduled  weekly curriculum. Teens would learn that emotions are normal, that they they are produced by their limbic brain as their heartbeats are produced by their reptilian brain.  They can’t help having them, but they are responsible for how they choose to express them.  These are some basics of Emotional Intelligence.

However, you don’t develop Emotional Intelligence just by reading about it or talking about it, like you won’t develop body tone by reading and talking about exercise programs.  It must be learned experientially.

two years ago I successfully taught Taming Your Anger/Emotional Intelligence as a pilot project with at-risk teens, many on probation and I’ve been producing a documentary film of that program.  You can see a teaser of it at

http://www.tamingyouranger.com/trainingcertification/

I am hoping to begin teaching an expanded version of the Taming Your Anger/Emotional Intelligence program to an entire school over the next few months.

I’ll keep you informed.

The post Occupy Psychology – Teaching Emotional Intelligence in Our Schools appeared first on .

Cruise rarely acknowledges his anger verbally and we only see him lose his temper when he angrily hangs up the phone, three times.  On the other hand, he regularly brutalizes people, bad guys, punching them, kicking them, killing them with no affect at all, like ice, because they are bad guys and they deserve it….even a PTSD Vet assassin gone amok cries a bit toward the end…but not Tom Cruise’s Jack Reacher.

There are other ways to deal with anger.

The audience loves it when Jack outsmarts the law because the legal system as they present it is populated by crooks and buffoons. So when Cruise gets away with outmaneuvering the legal process the audience loves it.  Might makes Right and Justice is for beautiful women lawyers to worry about, not Jack Reacher.

The bad guys are pure evil, really bad, really evil, but no more cruel than Cruise when he does “the right thing”  as a one man vigilante posse  who often surrounds his multiple opponents.

My problem with Jack Reacher, and this is coming from a guy who loves a good martial arts fight (eg. Quentin Tarrantino), is that there was too much random violence for me with no message.   Too much arbitrary killing of innocent victims, too soon after Sandy Hook and the horrific incident in Webster NY which few recall only three weeks later. (You remember, the lunatic who set fire to his house to trap and kill two innocent firefighters and injure a few more).

I experienced too many associations to those painful events to be able to simply sit back and enjoy the show.   I was also disturbed by the frequent outbursts of applause when Jack Reacher does away with a bad guy in an extremely cruel and excruciatingly painful fashion.

The audience liked it, experiencing strong pleasurable emotions a number of times.  That’s when the audience applauded.

As all this killing is happening we are shown no other ways to deal with anger except, by killing and cruelty.

There are other ways to deal with anger and our society would benefit from seeing some of them represented on the screen by our most popular badass heroes along side all of the killing and brutality they usually show us because, we can all agree, violence in our society has gotten out of control.

Maybe you’ll do better for your fans next time Mr. Cruise and leave us with a positive message on our way out the door.

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What Remains?

The Los Angeles Unified School District provides one school psychologist per one thousand students, or more.  Only those kids or teens with the most severe situations can be attended to, then here are the regular assaults and occasional suicide which must be addressed, and then there’s all that paperwork.

Practically speaking, there are no psychological services being offered to Los Angeles High School students to assist them with their problems because there just aren’t enough people to do the work. And, psychologists at their best cannot predict accurately who will act violently, until a violent act has been committed and then predictions can improve.

Since Prevention is better than Cure how about teaching Emotional Intelligence as a long term program to reduce violence based on information and education.

It is time to “Occupy Psychology”.

Until now Psychology has been co-opted by the medical model of health care.  Since even before Freud, Psychology has been about treating problems rather than about providing education to promote psychological and emotional well being. For the most part, the only college students who study “psychology” are those who “want to go into the field”.  Psychology is hardly ever taught in High School and, typically, the only kids or teens who get counseling are the squeaky wheels with big problems, since the ratio of kids to psychologists is more than a thousand to one.

It is time to “give Psychology to the people” by teaching Emotional Intelligence as basic curriculum in modern education, beginning with parents, kids, teens, college students and beyond.

Teaching Emotional Intelligence in schools is a long term, alternative approach for reducing violence in our society, like teaching good nutrition and dental flossing can reduce obesity, diabetes and tooth decay.

We are so concerned about our kids’ future and we want them to learn to study hard to do well at school to be better able to succeed.  And many do.  However, all it takes is one emotional outburst, in the wrong place or the wrong time, and all that hard work can go down the drain.  What if teens who develop their Emotional Intelligence could learn about emotions and how to deal with them within themselves and  others to better address the inevitabe emotional roller coaster rides which inevitably arise?

Prevention is better than cure.

For more information about Emotional Intelligence please contact Dr. Steve Wolf.

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